Milton Public Library

Poof, Tenderbastard

eng

no index present

fiction

Poof

electronic resource

dictionaries

Tenderbastard

Raised in the extraterrestrial enclave of Spirit Lake, Iowa, when Eric Foster was an infant Osiris the Alien gave him a translucent orb containing a vial of the Buddha's tears, Geronimo's bible, Cleopatra's hand-mirror, a Niklaus Copernicus telescope lens, a Teddy Roosevelt toothpick, Leonardo da Vinci's scissors, Van Gogh's painting trowel, Crazy Horse's moccasins, a box of Christopher Columbus cigars, and a lock of the Minotaur's hair. Having misplaced it, Eric wonders where the orb went and hauls his humanly-historical relics to Happytime Hot Springs and Unusual Event Center in Boulder, Colorado to be night-desk clerk. Osiris returns the orb, Eric befriends Andy the Inter-Dimensional Hot Springs Dog, and competes for Atlantean granola-girl Valentina Meraki's affections with nemesis, Hardbreath who transforms into a mountain lion at will. When Colonel Chemtrail and the Space Force Hot Spots arrive with Socrates, the Buddha, Copernicus, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Columbus, and Teddy Roosevelt, Happytime happy times rocket over the moon. That's when Laughing Disease infects humanity, Glenda the Glacier goes rogue, and Marty the Meteor decides to mash Earth's potatoes on Labor Day. Famed film director Quentin Quarantino and assistant Clora Quinn are making a Happytine and trio-of-calamities documentary. "This will win an Academy Award."Labor Day. Marty pierces Earth's gravitational influence and it's goodbye Happytime hello last open earthly portal, in Chaco Canyon, New Mexico. The Minotaur and Teddy Roosevelt smash an alien-FBI roadblock, da Vinci and Van Gogh paint a shortcut the aliens and FBI crash into like Wile E. Coyote chasing Roadrunner, and Colonel Chemtrail's bomb-vest thwarts the final alien assault and himself. Laughing Disease ravages the populace and Glenda soaks everything, it doesn't matter, Marty slams Earth soon after the Happytime gang pop through the portal and wrangle the MIlky Way to Sirius the Dog Star, safe among cosmic creatures knowing how to dodge a meteor better than humans.A perception-provoking defiance of reality with a hundred humorous spins, Poof is one part Eastern Mysticism, one part Magical Realism, and one part what's left of American Gumption, a modern-day Alice in Wonderland, a butt-load of fun

adult